The Opt-Out Constitution
Sunday, April 1, 2007 By Ed Foster
It seems to have escaped much notice, but a modernized version of the U.S. Constitution is about to be enacted. In keeping with the way Americans in the Internet era deal with the various large institutions in our lives, the idea is to simplify the relationship between citizens and our leaders, and to remove all those cumbersome checks and balances that just get in the way of effective government. But the really great thing about it is it's not going to require a constitutional convention or some drawn-out approval process by Congress and the states. If you like it, you don't have to do anything. If you don't like it - well, opt out and go find some other country to live in. After all, isn't that now the American way?
CONSTITUTION OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA, Version 2.0
You, the people of the United States of America (herein referred to as "You"), in order to form a more perfect union with your Government (herein referred to as "Government" or "We"), do agree to be bound by the terms of this Constitution. If you do not agree to the terms of this Constitution, do not use any Government services, including but not limited to justice, domestic tranquility, the common defense, the general welfare, the blessings of liberty for you and your posterity, and/or residence in the United States of America.
Article I. You agree that all legislative, executive, judicial, and other powers shall be vested in the Government. The times, places, and manner of selecting Government officials will be determined by the Government. We may at any time make or alter such regulations, rules, or laws and shall have the power to appoint or remove officials as We deem appropriate.
Article II. You agree that your access to services We provide may be terminated immediately without notice on the sole and absolute discretion of the Government if you fail to comply with any term or provision of this Constitution. Upon termination, you must immediately cease to make use of all Government services including but not limited to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. You agree that treason, copyright infringement, and other high crimes and misdemeanors shall be punishable by death, bill of attainder for corruption of blood, and other penalties as the Government may direct.
Article III. You agree that the Government and its business affiliates may collect and use information gathered as part of the services provided to you. We will use this information solely to improve Our services, to lay and collect taxes, and to define and punish piracies, copyright infringement, and other forms of treason against the Government or its business affiliates. You hereby agree that all searches and seizures conducted by the Government for such purposes are reasonable and lawful under this Constitution.
Article IV. Publication of criticism or benchmarks concerning the Government's performance without the express written consent of the Government is prohibited. Neither slavery nor involuntary servitude shall exist within in the United States except as a punishment for a crime or where individuals have manifested assent to such slavery or servitude by clicking "OK" to a binding legal agreement or other contractual arrangement.
Article V. You agree that, at Our discretion, We may change, modify, add, or remove portions of the terms of this Constitution at any time without notice, and, unless otherwise indicated, such changes become effective immediately upon being posted. It is your responsibility to check Government postings from time to time, and your continued use of Government services after posting of changes to this Constitution manifests your assent to those changes.
Article VI. You agree that your use of the services of the Government is at your own risk. The services, including but not limited to waging war, raising and supporting armies, regulating commerce, coining money, and establishing post offices, are provided "as is" without representations or warranties of any kind either express, implied or statutory. Under no circumstances shall the Government or any of its officials be liable for any damages due to loss of limb, life, or property due to negligence, incompetence, bad faith, corruption, fraud, extortion, murder, or any other cause of action on the part of the Government, its officials or business affiliates. Your sole remedy is to terminate your use of services of the Government under the terms provided in this Constitution. Some states or jurisdictions do not allow such limitations on warranties or damages - all such states and jurisdictions are hereby excluded from the United States of America until such time as the Government chooses to invade them and guarantee their conformance to the terms of this Constitution.
Article VII. You agree that you have ratified this Constitution by living, working, traveling through, or being born in the United States of America. If you do not agree to each and all of the terms and conditions set forth in this Constitution now and in the future, the Government does not wish to continue providing services to You, and You are hereby terminated.
Bill of Rights. We reserve and retain all rights not expressly granted to You by this Constitution, and You agree that no rights are granted to You by this Constitution.
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Read this column on-line and post your comments at http://www.gripe2ed.com/scoop/story/2007/4/1/20115/24322
Write me at Foster@gripe2ed.com or phone the Gripe Line voice mail at 1 888 875-7916
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Recently in my weblog:
Rebates for Better or Worse While most Gripe Line readers seem to share my dislike of rebates, there are those who actually seem to enjoy chasing down their wayward rebate checks. Even when they do encounter a deadbeat rebate, such readers always seem to find a silver lining. http://www.gripe2ed.com/scoop/story/2007/3/30/105748/102
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